I have no idea why I let us get like this, or how I managed to kid myself for the past few years that we still looked and felt good. I don't lie to other people, so why have I lied to us?
I know what it is; I have been maintaining the same eating habits we had when we were super-fit and on the go all the time. We went from swimming five days a week, to gym three times a week & cycling 6-10 miles a day (five days a week), to walking four miles a day, five days a week, to.....practically nothing.
Working from home has its advantages, but it can be disastrous from a health and fitness point of view. I understand that now. Instead of being sensible and watching what we ate, I continued to think we were able to eat whatever we wanted and not put on weight. We have spent most of our life being that person who could chomp her way through anything, and it not make any difference, and then suddenly, this ceased to be the case. Rather than accept it and adjust our eating habits accordingly, I dug my heels in and became a brat about it! I denied everything!
I didn't listen to you when you tried to tell me to change things, to change our eating habits. I knew you loved the wonderful food I cooked for you, the frequent dining in fine restaurants, the chocolate...so why would you want anything different?
Instead of looking at myself, I blamed our problems on age, impending menopause ... anything and everything.
But now I understand that all the aches and pains, the heartburn, the bloating, the stiffness, the constant tiredness - it was all your way of trying to get me to pay attention to what was happening to us. It was your way of making me take notice and do something before it was too late for us.
So now I owe you a huge debt of thanks, and a massive apology. I am so utterly sorry I have not treated you better. I am sorry I have taken advantage of you. I am sorry I have completely taken you for granted. And most of all, I am sorry it has come to this. We have been together for almost 48 years, and I suppose that over the past four or five, I have just become complacent. I thought we would be together forever, and that forever would be a very, very long time.
I now realise what a wonderful and beautiful body you are, and how easily you are hurt. I promise I will do whatever it takes to restore you to your former glory. We will run in the sunshine again. We will enjoy long walks in the rain. We will again participate in bedroom Olympics with our amato (remember those endless nights of ecstasy?)! We will be as one again. I promise.
No more rebellion. No more denial. No more excuses. This is it, we can do it. And we WILL do it!
With love, as always,
Your Mind xxx